Self esteem and whiny little blind girls.

I’m taking a class for school called Self Esteem and Adjusting With Blindness. This class illustrates all the ways being blind can effect a person emotionally and socially. Up to today this class has depressed me completely. I fit a lot more of the negative examples of a well adjusted blind person than the positive ones. Today however I read something in that class that made me smile. “Like all people, blind people can be confident in some situations and feel completely inadequate in other situations.” For the last 2 months or so I’ve been more focused on the negative aspects of my life, my blindness, than I ever have been before. Today I’m changing that point of view. Let me explain a little bit of this to you so you may grasp this mindset. I’m almost 22 years old. In 22 years I have never gone to a grocery store alone, painted my own nails, gone to the gym alone, bought smoothies alone, gone for a drive to clear my head. I list these things because these are some of  the things I love. I can’t do any of these things without exhaustive arranging of schedules and someone’s help. Sometimes I get caught up in the can’t. The impossible unfairness of how things actually are in comparison to how i’d like them to be. So tonight I’m making the list of the things I can, and do accomplish on a daily basis without much thought to the awesomeness of my life in general. I do laundry like a boss. I cook dinner for my family almost every night. I’ve taught the 3 and 4 year olds I watch to spell their names and say their alphabet. I play barbies better than anyone over the age of 5 ever has. I read stories to pre schoolers for hours without even getting bored. I write stories of my own that people like to read. I laugh and dance around my living room to loud music. I smile, every day. I’m writing this tonight to tell you, and myself not to get caught up in the ugliness of life. The whys and why nots. Look at the good and not the bad, no matter how bad the bad seems sometimes.

Tell me things.

People probably don’t consider how much of the world I don’t see. There are so many things I don’t see that people see every day. The sunrise, snow covering everything, Pictures, cars passing by on the street, what people are wearing, facial expressions, flowers in a garden. If I don’t have my hands on it I can’t see it. It’s too big, it’s too far away, it’s not seen by me. I write stories. I’ve had 3 very respected friends tell me in the last week that I write like I can see. This is probably my favorite complement I’ve gotten about my writing. Sometimes people will describe things to me. They’ll tell me about a beautiful sunrise of the sky at night or the way a person looks in an outfit. I love this absolutely. I love getting to see how others see the world. If you tell me how something looks I won’t be able to see it the way you do, but it gives me more words. More imagery to play with in my head. So please, TELL ME THINGS.