There are different levels of blindness. People who are considered legally blind can sometimes still drive with glasses. People may be able to see shadows. They may be able to see traffic lights. They may be able to see colors. They may be able to read with large enough print. This is not the same as a person like me who literally has no eyes. The world is a vastly different place. Some time when you’re not rushing close your eyes and just listen. Listen to your world and see how much of it you can figure out. Then open your eyes and see if you were right. I can’t open my eyes and see if I’m guessing right. I have to listen closely all the time and build my world with that information. I operate in 2 modes. When I’m at home, at work,, places I know well i’m comfortable. I can figure everything out without even thinking about it. When people who don’t know me well see me at home or somewhere I know well they are surprised by how easily I navigate my surroundings. The kids will sometimes just watch me and be impressed by how I handle little things like cooking and laundry without being able to see it. I don’t think about blindness very much when I’m in my own environment. When I’m in public though the rules are very different. The world wasn’t built for people with no eyes. So much of it is visual. One of the things in my life that gives me the most anxiety is going somewhere alone. Most of my experience here has been built airport traveling. When all of your best friends and half of your family live in different states you have to go places. The first time I went anywhere alone I was 17. I flue to Columbus to train with a guide dog for a month. It was the best and scariest learning experience of my life. I went from my very sheltered little life, all alone into this huge city I’d never been to. I met some amazing people and did things I’d never done before. Before you’re sent home with your guide dog you have to complete a test walk. You have to leave the school building, go to the bus stop, get on a bus, go down town, go into a building, make a purchase and get back to the school building by yourself. If you can see all of this only takes intent and a basic plan. Have you ever thought about the line at Starbucks? Not how long and annoyingly slowly the line is moving, but where the line actually is? When you can’t see you have to listen to find it. You listen to the sound of cash registers. You stand very quietly by the door and listen. You find the sound of the cash register, then you try to judge how many people are standing in line waiting. Then you have to find the back of the line and wait. Then, as people move up, you have to adjust your place in line. You don’t have a reference point at all. You try to listen well enough to not bump into the person in front of you, but still be moving forward so the person behind you isn’t waiting longer. Have you thought much about crossing streets since you were 6 and your parents taught you to look both ways? Let me explain a little bit about crossing streets. when you’re blind and you have to cross a street there is a whole listening process you have to go through. First you have to find the curb. This may not sound like a hard task, but it can be. There are many different kinds of curbs. Some are raised, some are only a different texture from the street. Some are straight and some are at an angle. The curb is very important. The curb tells you where you are in relation to the traffic. If you are at an angled curb, but you think it’s a straight curb. you may end up facing a street instead of a crosswalk. A mistake as simple as that could get you hit by a car. So once you are very sure you have found the curb then you have to listen. You have to listen long and hard. Traffic has distinctive sounds. If the traffic directly in front of you is moving, you can’t cross. This seems really obvious as I’m writing it, but it isn’t that clear when you’re listening. There are a million other sounds happening all at once. There are people beside you talking and laughing. They’re using their eyes to see the cars so they don’t have to listen to anything. There are women in high heels walking away. There are sometimes assholes calling your dog. There is music from a store. You have to tune all of that out. Then there are other streets. The cars on these other streets sound louder and closer than they actually are. There are the beeping traffic lights that are very helpful if they’re on the street you’re on. But often the beeping traffic lights are not on the street you’re on. They are on a completely different street. At that point they add another distraction. Then maybe it’s raining. If you’re really fucked it’s snowing. Add that sound to all of the others. Sometimes when I have to do something stressful or scary I compare it to this. I pull up the memory of standing alone at a traffic light. Cars are huge and loud and a hundred times more powerful than you are. There is nothing as scary as taking that first step into a street. Hoping you’ve judge all the sounds correctly. Hoping drivers follow the stop lights. Hoping you can find the curb on the other side.
blindgirlmoments 